we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
