At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
