Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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