He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
