Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
