Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
