my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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