my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize