there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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