We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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