My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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