I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just gift wrapped bread.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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