and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize