ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
