I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
