I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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