TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
