And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
