I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Houston, we have a squirter
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A bitchslap is in order.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
