Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
