gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
