i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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