I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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