Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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