I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
