Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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