She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
