I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
