i barfeds in our rink
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
