Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
