Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
