I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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