Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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