Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And then my night got REAL pukey
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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