Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
