The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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