I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
