I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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