You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
