If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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