i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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