this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
