In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Fuck appropriateness.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
