Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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