That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
