woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize