The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos