Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated