you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.