somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty