Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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