your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
