why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
