Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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