Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
