I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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