He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
