Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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