I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
