Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
