Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
