I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
