I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
