I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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